Don't look back
by catherine.cat33
Summary: A twist on the whole pregnancy thing.  Clare wants to get an abortion but what will Eli think?  oneshot. Clare is a bit OOC in this story. Enjoy


Authors note:

Hey this is Catherine (not Cat). This is my first one-shot.

Purty exciting.

I wrote it because I feel like no one on TV or in books or anything ever decides to get an abortion and I'm sick of it. Power to the women! So read it. I hope it's good.

By the way, it may be a little bit OOC, but if you don't like it, deal! (Or don't read it.)

The views expressed in this story are very controversial and I don't believe that the argument is one-sided at all, I just wanted to show a different perspective than the one that is normally portrayed.

Oh and by the way reviews would be super duper great (especially because this is my first one-shot)

Thanks for reading! Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own degrassi or its characters. Only myself and this story

I stood on the porch to Eli's house, flexed my fingers, and took a deep breath in through my mouth. Ever since I had seen the pregnancy test with that little plus sign I knew what I had to do. I didn't want to raise a child. I couldn't bear Eli's baby. Not now. Not when I was sixteen and just trying to make it through high school. I had options and I planned on taking full advantage of them. My life was mine and I wouldn't let it be controlled by one stupid decision, my stupid hormones, or my body's natural desire to have a child once I reached the age of sexual maturity. No, I was more than just a body; more than just a child-bearing machine. I had a purpose and something valuable to bring to this world and maybe one day that would be a child, but that day was not today. That day was when I made a smart decision to have a baby that I knew I could raise responsibly, with care, and give the full potential of my love. I needed to be the best mother that I could be and I couldn't do that now. Getting an abortion might go against my very Catholic beliefs, but I didn't know if I could believe in a God that couldn't forgive me this.

I knew that I had to tell Eli. I wanted him to know what had happened because it was equally his responsibility as it was mine and I didn't deserve to bear the full burden. I still loved that sarcastic, mysterious and somehow impossibly sweet boy even if he had impregnated me.

So here I was, standing on his doorstep. This wouldn't be easy, but it was what was, and having Eli on my side would make it all the more bearable. I regained my composure; my courage and rapped on the door three times

It was Bullfrog who answered. He wore a T-shirt for a band I didn't recognize. His facial hair was untrimmed and he carried with him the stench of beer to go along with his very-apparent beer-belly. "Clarabelle! My favorite little Eli's girlfriend. Come on in. We don't bite, well not usually anyways." I followed him inside as he continued to talk. "Clare, you look like you've seen a ghost or Cece when she first wakes up in the morning."

"I really just need to talk to Eli. It's important. Could you tell me where he is?"

He looked disappointed, like he would have enjoyed continuing his one-way conversation with me, but it seemed as though he sensed my urgency. "He should be in his room. You know where it is."

I walked up the stairs quickly and didn't bother to knock on the door. Eli was lying crossways on the bed. Still in his plaid red pajama bottoms and dead-head T-shirt at 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday. He had his headphones on and his eyes were closed as he played invisible drums somewhere in the air above his body. He looked so into the music that I almost didn't want to disturb him. He looked so-well not peaceful-I don't think anyone can look peaceful when listening to the kind of music that Eli listens to, but like his soul was being moved but the music; like he could stay there forever playing his invisible drums and nothing and no one could ever touch him. I stood there and watched him for a few moments. His hands dropped to his sides when the song had ended. His eyes opened slowly and he saw me from across the room.

"Well hey there Clare," he said sitting up, "Were you planning on announcing your presence or had you thought it would be fun to creepily watch me from across the room?" His tone was playful and he smirked, "Come here," He patted the space next to him on the bed. When I sat down he leaned into kiss me. For a moment his lips touched mine, but then I shifted so that we were no longer in contact.

"What? Am I not allowed to kiss my girlfriend?"

"Eli," I said, "We need to talk."

"Should I be scared? Because if you're about to tell me that you're breaking up with me I'm just going to leave the room right now." But he smiled and took my hand.

"No. I promise I am not breaking up with you, but I have something very important to tell you," I took a deep breath.

"Oh God, now I'm thinking something else and I'm not liking it."

"I'm pregnant."

"Fuck!" he said standing up abruptly.

"Yeah, we did, that was kind of the problem."

"Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap."

"Not exactly the response I was looking for."

"We used protection!"

"And it obviously wasn't one hundred percent effective. Eli, I took three tests and they all said the same thing. Positive."

"Holy Fuck!" He slammed his fist into the wall.

"Eli, calm down," I said standing up and removing his arm from the wall. His fingers were completely white.

"Don't you understand what this means Clare? How can you be calm?"

"I guess I had more time to deal with it, but even then I didn't have this type of reaction."

I saw the fury in his eyes. I didn't know if it was directed at me, himself, or the thing inside me. What had happened to the untouchable Eli?

"Eli, it's going to be okay. I've already scheduled the appointment. Next Friday at four. Right after school. I want you to go with me."

"Oh no! I don't think so! Clare, no way are you getting an abortion. You are going to give birth to that child whether you like it or not!" His voice was getting increasingly louder.

"Eli, I thought you of all people would understand. Who are you? My parents?"

He sucked in a breath and now when he spoke his voice was quieter than before, but his words and his body seemed to shake. "Clare, I have already caused the death of one person. I can't do that to another. I cannot kill that child too."

"It's not killing Eli, and you didn't kill Julia either. I thought that we had moved past this."

"I could never forget." He looked down at the ground and we were both silent for a few moments. I heard that sounds of a football game being watched downstairs.

"Eli. I am getting an abortion."

He looked at me straight in the eyes and his were icy green. "No, Clare."

"Eli, this is my life and my body. I will do as I please. You can't control me."

"Is that so Clare? Really? Coming from you, the perfect little Christian girl with the purity ring who always does what her parents tell her. Isn't abortion _murder_? Won't God _hate_ you?"

"I've changed. I'm taking control. And, Eli, you're morals aren't exactly perfect, so don't go preaching to the preacher's daughter."

"Clare I can't kill another one, please." Now, he begged me with his eyes. His need for me to keep the child seemed almost manic. But I knew that he was wrong. This was my decision. I loved him, but maybe he didn't love me enough to understand that. Maybe his problems were too much for me to handle.

"Eli, I am going to the clinic on Friday whether you come with me or not. You cannot stop me. This is my decision and mine alone."

"Clare…no…"

"Goodbye, Eli." I turned my back on Eli and walked out of the room. I walked down the stairs slowly, almost in a trance-like state. I was losing him. But I had to move forward. This was my future. I couldn't look back. When I fell on my knees to the pavement on the sidewalk next to Eli's house I didn't look back. And when tears began to well in my eyes I didn't look back. When I watched them fall to the hard, cold pavement, I didn't look back.

Intense ending, no?

Thanks for reading!

Reviews make me happy.

3 Catherine


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